Title: Living with Regret (Rain #3)
Author: Lisa De Jong
Age Group: NA
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Cover Designer: Mae I Design
I had my whole life mapped out. Perfect guy. Perfect friends. Everything was exactly the way I wanted it.
That was until that night--the one I can’t remember. It’s all my fault, and now the
memories are all I have left of him. Of us.
My guilt drowns me until Sam Shea steps back into my life and helps me to the
surface. He slowly opens my heart and crawls deep inside before I even realize
what’s happening. I know I don’t deserve him.
While I’m trying to get used to my new life, pieces of that night slowly start to come
back to me. Lies and secrets shatter everything I thought I knew.
Maybe I’m not the only one living with regret.
{{PICK ONE EXCERPT}}
Excerpt 1
A challenge is something
I’ve never backed down from, and I feel like that’s what he’s doing right now.
Standing, I kick off my flip-flops and walk to the bank of the creek. The water’s not
quite as clear as I remembered it, but I can still see the rocks along the shallow
edges.
Glancing back, I see Sam standing a few feet
behind me with his hands on his hips. He’s probably thinking there’s no way in hell
I’m going to do this, but I’m going to enjoy every second of proving him wrong. After
shooting him one last look, I take two small steps into the lukewarm water. It only
goes up to my thighs, not quite touching the bottom of my cut-off shorts.
“You coming in, Shea?”
“My shorts aren’t as short as yours.”
“Afraid to get a little wet?” I tease, splashing a
handful of water at him.
He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and takes
two quick steps to the edge of the creek. “There’s only one thing I’m afraid of, and
this little creek isn’t it.”
With one more step, he’s standing in front of me.
Close enough, I can almost feel him there, but far enough to give me space so it’s not
uncomfortable.
“What are you scared of then?”
His eyes burn into mine. “Something that’s already
happened once. Something that I’m not going to let happen again.”
“And what’s that?”
“When I’m not afraid anymore, I’ll tell you,” he
says, brushing a piece of my wind-blown hair from my face.
“You’ve always been on the mysterious
side.”
“If I were any other way, you wouldn’t want
anything to do with me.”
“Why’s that?”
“What fun would I be if you had me all figured out?
Besides, not saying everything I think keeps me one step below arrogance.” That
makes me laugh. Sam had a male meltdown one day when he started high school, all
because some girl called him arrogant. He went on and on about how she had him
mixed up with the jocks, or she didn’t know the meaning of arrogance. Maybe he just
comes off as too good because he’s secretive about his life; he doesn’t talk to a lot of
people unless he has to. I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing but he’s definitely
not arrogant.
“I guess you’re right.”
“Of course I am.” His hand comes down, lightly
smacking my rear end. I jump, and he smiles—the kind that makes all
the girls think he’s the overly confident guy he’s not. His expression reminds me of
the old Sam who used to be the cure for any heart ailment.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” I squeal, stepping
away from him.
“Woke you up, didn’t I?” His lips quirk even higher.
It’s contagious, no matter how annoyed I am with him.
“I didn’t realize I was sleeping.”
His grips my wrist, tugging my arm. “Are we going
to stand here and talk, or are you really going all in?”
Excerpt 2
Excerpt 2
He’s got a hold on my heart. I feel
it ... he’s using his pull on it to bring me closer to him, my lips closer to his. It’s a
moment that’s been coming for a long time. Two souls, once lonely, brought together
in the fields but joined on the edge of the lake. When one story doesn’t have a happy
ending, there’s always a chance to start another one. I don’t want to standalone for
the rest of my life and wonder what could have been if I’d been given my happy
ending. I’m going to go after it.
His lips lightly brush against mine, so quickly
that I could debate on whether or not it qualifies as a kiss. The intensity of it is
almost more than I can handle. Everything inside me warms. I’ve never experienced
anything quite like it. Even when he backs away a few inches to stare me in the eyes,
I can feel his lips imprinted on mine. He’s branded me. His lips own mine. His heart
owns me.
One kiss is all it takes to make me an addict, and I
crave a second. I focus in on his perfect lips, hinting for more. This time, Sam doesn’t
give; he takes, pressing his mouth to mine. His hand cradles the back of my head,
like he’s afraid I might pull away if he lets me go. He may not realize it yet, but he
has me ... I’ve given him little pieces of myself over all these years. He just had to
claim the last piece.
His fingers curl around the back of my neck as his
lips continue to work against mine. His lips warm, much more eager than the first
time. He sucks my lower lip between his, then presses his tongue into my mouth. It
tastes of peppermint as it tangles with mine. He’s methodical, making me feel and
want more. Grabbing his shirt, I pull him closer until I can literally feel his heart
beating against me. There’s more emotion behind this kiss than I’ve ever felt before.
He’s telling me so much without words, and it feels like he’s been holding it in
forever. He gently caresses my tongue with his, like he has wanted to do it for a long
time and needs to savor it. I wish this moment could last forever ... maybe it can.
He cups my cheek in his calloused hand, running his thumb along my jawline as he
slows his movements.
His lips linger for a minute longer before
he presses his forehead to mine. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do
that?”
I shake my head, pulling my bottom lip between
my teeth in a bid to keep them off him. His eyes burn into mine, igniting a fire deep
inside of me. I want to taste those lips on mine again.
“That night you disappeared with Cory at the party
... I wanted you even back then. I’d wanted you for a long time. I knew if he asked
you to, you’d be his. I didn’t think he deserved you, but I didn’t think I did either,” he
says, skimming his fingers across my cheek to brush the hair from my face.
I’d always felt like Sam was trying to play the
big brother role. Of course, I thought he was cute ... he keeps getting cuter with
age ... but I never thought he saw me that way. Not then. Things might have been
different if he had said something before that night, but we can’t dwell on the things
we cannot change, and I’m grateful for the time I spent with Cory. I wouldn’t be
the same person I am today without him. Thinking about him now is dampening
this moment like rain in the middle of a perfectly sunny day. I hate that this keeps
happening to me, but I know it’s inevitable.
When I don’t say anything, he continues, “Do you
remember the last day we spent out in the fields before your freshman year?” I nod,
holding my breath. He responds by closing his eyes and running his thumb along my
lower lip. “I almost kissed you that day. I wanted to, but I was afraid that you didn’t
feel the same, and I didn’t want to ruin what we had.”
My heart jumps. I’ve thought about that day
so many times over the years. Now, everything I thought I felt that day has been
justified. “I think everything happens for a reason,” I whisper. I regret the way I said
that as soon as the words leave my mouth. “I don’t mean that I think there’s a reason
Cory died, but I do think there’s a reason we couldn’t be together back then. We
were both too young.”
He stares at me curiously with a hint of pain in his
eyes that hadn’t been there before. He closes them, curling his fingers against my
face. “I still regret not telling you how I felt. I could have saved you so much pain ...
sometimes I feel like part of what you’re going through is my fault.”
“What do you mean?”
“At least if you were with me, I could have
controlled what you went through. I never would have hurt you, or done anything
that could hurt you,” he says, opening his eyes.
I sit back, pulling my face from his as
defensiveness takes over. “He didn’t hurt me. I hurt
me.”
His face turns in the other direction until all I see is
the squint of his eyes and the pensive line his lips have taken. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t
have brought it up. I always have shitty timing.”
I grab his hand in mine, bringing his attention back
to me. “The only way this is going to work is if you accept my past, every part of it,
and leave it there. I loved Cory. I still love Cory, and you need to know that.” I rest
our joined hands on my thigh, feeling the brush of his arm against my chest. “Love
doesn’t fade completely. In a way, I’ll always love Cory.. I need to know that you
understand.”
He nods. “Are you sure you’re ready for
this?”
“No,” I answer, honestly, “but I want to try.
Something about this feels right, and I’m tired of living the way I’ve been living.
Besides, I like you, Sam. I want to explore that, but I need us to go slow.”
He smiles, the cocky one I like so much. “Slow is
the only way to go when you like something and want to savor it. Once you’re mine,
I’m not going to let you leave for anyone else. I’ve waited way too long for this.” He
places our hands over his chest. “There are things in here I’ve held onto forever just
to give them to you. They belong only to you because you’re the one who made me
feel them.”
I lean into him, kissing him sweetly, the way he
kissed me the first time. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”
“It’s just for you. You’re the only person who ever
has or ever will bring it out of me.”
It feels like my heart just blended itself into the
lake water, but yet I still feel it beating in my chest. Never in my life did I see this
coming, but I realize I’ve wanted it. Subconsciously, I think I’ve wanted it for a long
time.
I realize this could all end badly. Another short
story that leaves me lying on a pillow soaked in tears, but Sam’s worth it. He’s more
than a constant for me. “So, what did you have planned for tonight?’
“I thought we’d put our feet in the water. See how
it feels.”
“I think we already got that covered,” I reply,
resting my head against his shoulder.
“I guess all that’s left to do is watch the sunset. You
in?”
“We might as well.” I smile, feeling as content as
I have in a long time. Life is a journey, and very few come without wrong turns and
speed bumps. For the first time in months, I’m finally on the straight and narrow.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lisa De Jong is a wife, mother and full-time number cruncher who lives in the
Midwest. Her writing journey involved insane amounts of coffee and many nights
of very little sleep but she wouldn't change a thing. She also enjoys reading, football
and music. She is the author of When It Rains, After the Rain, Plastic Hearts and
Glass Hearts.
Contact: lisadejongwrites@gmail.com,
@LisaDeJongBooks
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